How can abuse change us?

I think part of the deception of this is as such.. We touch a hot stove and it hurts we learn not to touch a hot stove. A trusted person abuses us we learn not to trust people. Since  human nature is not as black and white as a hot stove and not all who are close to us will abuse us, our defense becomes much more complicated.  Not becoming fundamentally changed due to these experiences goes against our own self protective programming.  Just like sin separates us from God and causes us to paint a "graven image" of God this pain separates us from reality a little bit at a time causing us to become a warped creation. There is only one solution.... Jesus....His forgiveness of our sin restores us to God, and our forgiveness of each other "sins against us" restores us to reality. I have faith that Jesus will continue to do this, and as we walk, grow, and mature in him we become more like him, our view of these abuses changes, and we realize we do not have to be shaped by them at all. In fact we realize that our abuser is hurting just as we are. Oh, to be like Jesus and weep not because of my own pain but because of the lost, hopeless nature of the one who perpetuates the abuse cycle.

 In what ways do we wrongly defend ourselves? Here are a couple....

Denial of reality (conscious or unconscious)

Fantasy (escaping reality by daydreaming, TV, movies, music, drugs, alcohol.)

Emotional insulation (withdrawing from people to avoid rejection, or abuse)

Displaced anger (taking out frustrations on others)

Projection (attributing to another what you find unacceptable in yourself)

Rationalization (making excuses for your own poor behavior